Half Empty Articles: Culture
The
Time I Couldn't Even Pay For a Handjob
07/19/2002: CULTURAL EXCHANGE
SEMESTER
AT SEA, Final: A hand job. I figured that would be safe enough. I
could, I guessed, bring some hand sanitizer and ask the woman to use it
if she looked dirty. Besides, they were professionals...
by
RYAN McKEE
An
American Dancing Fool In China
05/24/2002: CULTURAL EXCHANGE
SEMESTER
AT SEA, Part 3: Right in the heart of free enterprise, right next
to billion dollar companies that own sweat shops all across Asia, we danced
the electric slide with giggling Chinese girls. And it was in these clubs
that I learned to love communism.
by
RYAN McKEE
Losing
The Yak Race
04/29/2002: CULTURAL EXCHANGE
SEMESTER
AT SEA, Part 2: We sat quietly for a minute, forcing our booze-soaked
minds to compute what had just transpired: We were going to be in a kayak
race.
by
RYAN McKEE
Beating
The Hell Out Of A Japanese Penguin
03/07/2002: CULTURAL EXCHANGE
SEMESTER
AT SEA, Part 1: RYAN
McKEE
spent a semester going around in a cruise ship. One day he got drunk and
made friends with some Japanese kids.
The
Final Nightmare
09/22/2001: BOWLING
IT WOULDN'T KILL YOU TO STOP, Part 3: Sorority
Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama & Lola helps put the gimmick to
rest.
by ROBERT
TOWELL
Bending
The Medium
01/07/2001: BOWLING
IT WOULDN'T
KILL YOU TO STOP, Part 1: The truth is, unless you just sit there
in the bowling alley, use it as a backdrop, bowling is totally void of
anything coherently passionate, it doesn’t move or fuck or talk back.
It’s a host, a dirty thing that gets invaded by unsafe shoe sex.
by
ROBERT
TOWELL
Why I Didn't Go To My High School Reunion
02/26/2K : DEFINING MOMENTS
He's the first to admit it; he's getting old. He's getting old and no one liked him in high school. So when that dreded day came, he knew exactly where he stood.
by
CHAD J. SUTTON
The Sweater Story
07/05/99 : FASHION
A sweet story about a man on a quest for the perfect sweater. The funniest thing you will ever read at half empty. (previously published in Axcess magazine spring 1996)
by
HARMON LEON
Why Agnostics Have The Right Idea
06/23/99 : RELIGION
From cows to Krishna, We question relevance, Agnostics have been questioning the ethics of organized religion for a long time, and have yet to find the right answer.
by
KEVIN WHITE
I Make Passes at Those Who Wear Glasses
05/12/99 : FASHION
Nerd. Dork. Bookworm. Geek. Do you wear glasses? Have you ever been called one of these things? Have no fear, for the girl who is hot for you is here.
by
DANA J. ROBINSON
Dear Alanis...
3/9/99 : MUSIC
Since I don't have a tape deck or CD player in my car, I am forced to listen to pop music on the radio all day long. As a result, I find myself enjoying songs by artists I can't stand. As a result of this cognative dissonance, I've written my own song...a parody.
by
DANA J. ROBINSON
You Wear Northface, Therefore You Suck
2/21/99 : FASHION
I've started counting yellow jackets. Once I get to 1000, I'm shooting myself in the head.
by
DANA J. ROBINSON
Could the Professor Make a CD Player out of Coconuts and Grass?
2/15/99 : MUSIC
If you could only take ten albums with you to a desert island.... so the old question goes. Read on for a mini-review of some of Chad's favorite albums that he could not live without.
by
CHAD J. SUTTON
This Isn't Tiffany's
2/7/99 : FOOD
Today's special: BURGERS. A quest for the cheapest, the sexiest, the most experiential... breakfast in Toronto.
by
LINDSAY KEARNS
The "Moo-Moo Theory"
12/24/98 : MODERN LIFE
The "Moo-Moo Theory," an appropriate name for this phenomenon, describes the masses of consumers rushing to do holiday and post-holiday shopping. Three cases in point.
by
DANA J. ROBINSON
Ode to Finals Week
12/22/98 : HIGHER LEARNING
This scholastic phenomenon is a wonder when experienced firsthand, many minds cramming knowledge into their heads, life stands still as we know it, and all for a grade on a piece of paper that tells you of your intellectual worth.
by
ANDREW MULLINS
A Time For Giving?
12/06/98 : MODERN LIFE
As the holidays enter in this year, we're reminded of those who are less fortunate,
but one wonders how this "season of giving" will make an impact as it tries to every year.
by
MINNA KIM MAZZA
Video Me
11/22/98 : MODERN LIFE
The video camera has practically replaced the way people can tell a good old-fashioned story.
by
DARREN RAYE
The
Abridged North American Field Guide to Cereal
11/15/98 : FOOD
A guide to
choosing the right cereal for your breakfasting pleasure.
by
CHAD J.
SUTTON
Anthrax: Making Biological Terror Fun
04/20/98: MODERN LIFE
This nasty disease can be used as cheap biological warfare, yet government has little concern to completely prevent its use.
by
MARNIE PARRELL
I Saw A Boy Get His Face Smashed In With A Pipe
04/20/98: MODERN LIFE
A shocking account of the reality of human aggression in the city.
by
JAMES PATERSON